God bless Osman Bey

First day into Turkey, after writing my last email, on way back to the hotel I met a lovely shoe salesman from Cyprus. He wanted to go for a drink in the centre of town and needed company and I was up for a beer so off we went. He took me to a dodgy bar and after ordering a beer, from out of the woodwork appeared some lovely Russian ladies. [switch to third person] Josh panics and starts to leave but buys a champagne for his blonde lady friend before he does - not wishing to offend. The bill arrives at about $1200 and Josh flips out suddenly remembering about said scam in lonely planet guidebook page 165. A cranky Turkish bouncer makes Josh pay half and promptly marches him to an ATM to handover the money (about $450 YTL). Destitute, feeling stupid and wondering how he got gipped with his (allegedly) hip-to-the-groove street cred, Josh returns home and makes sob call to Damien.

BUT THERE IS GOOD NEWS: I reported my adventure to the Tourist Police who couldn't help because I couldn't recall where the club was.... but today, Josh sees a Metro map and recalls that he had pointed out to his Cyprian friend that the Metro station they were passing was named after Osman Bey a Turkish painter he studied at Uni. I knew i got my Masters for something. After a quick visit to Istanbul Modern to check, Josh gets a taxi to the metro station and low and behold finds the bar and returns with the Police. (A side story here involves the Police laughing at my accent and then the stupid cop reversing into another car and breaking the side mirror. Without telling me, we end up in a dark garbage lot with some angry dobbermans living in broken fridges - to repair the mirror.... not beat me up I finally figured out *phew*.) The nice owner of the super classy Sanzelize Club seems to know the local police quite well - who've done little more than drive me to the club a half block away. The owner says 'what's the problem?' - Josh demands money in his butchest voice. After negotiations I get 300 YTL back. oooosh.

An expensive mistake, but in hindsight super impressed by my revenge complex and not too much money lost for a helluva story. The morning after, I also lost that cursed credit card (maybe it was for the best after the Sanzelize incident) so I cancelled and am using another one. All ok now.

Onto more plutonic news I went on a boat ride up the Bosphorus today which was windy. Sydney Harbour is way better. Did get to gawk at some Ottoman apartments, a few glitz castles, some ruins and a number of swearing fisherman who kept losing lines when our boat went under the bridge. Saw the Istanbul Biennial which was brilliant. Favourite work was by an artist who made a film using a colours on a white map to represent political and colonial territory from 500 BC to the present day. Made a mental note that Terra Nullias apparently applied to all non-imperial lands prior to invasion. Australia was absent until 1788 and then only a blue dot for Sydney. Then went onto the gallery to meet Osman Hamdi Bey and other serendipitous Turkish painters. Have also squeezed in Aya Sofia the Blue Mosque and the Roman cistern. I can't really speak too highly of walking in a giant subterranean toilet but the atmosphere was greasy. There are some terrific Medussa heads underneath two columns which were puzzling and around them, oodles of goldfish. (Damien, you know when we flushed tumour fish last week - he's probably doing fine!) Blue Mosque was pretty amazing (the French ladies with their jugs out standing in the Mosque even more so). Aya Sofia really took the cake. Had some great golden mosaics which were all very holy. To get to the second level you have to go up a 6 story ramp! Jesus, that Empress must have had wheels.

Off to Ephesus (Temple of Artemis) and Pemmukale tomorrow where they have hot springs. Am going with a guided group so may get to speak to someone other than the Police or Russian hookers. Very excited. Mind, the ruins will probably keep me blabbing for hours and who wants to hear me talk about that?

Have realised that Medussa, Osman Hamdi Bey and Artemis are my guardian motifs in Turkey - they're always around when I need them. This strange trinity ensuring i'm "rock solid, artful and a vengeful virgin". Good motto eh?

Thanks all for your stories and messages from home. Keep them coming. Will report in a couple of days after my trip. Then on to Cyprus with Jen - VERY excited about that but will NOT be speaking to any shoe salesman.