Topkapi, Hamams'n'stuff

Went to Topkapi palace. Highlight was definately the Harem with its incredible tile work. I went snap happy for a while before regaining my composure. I was particularly impressed by the concentration on education by the Ottomans. Boys throughout the kingdom could be educated for free if selected by the Sultan, regardless of rank. They'd later become aristocracy and were encouraged to marry one of the 500 or so concubines from the harem - most of whom had no contact with the Sultan. Concubines in the harem were encouraged to improve their minds and stay healthy as investments of the state. The Harem was run by black eunuchs - mostly Ethiopians who also had a pretty good education deal aside from having their woo-woos removed.... Speaking of fellas, the most unusual and expensive tiles are in the Circumcision Kiosk (uh huh). Maybe the tiles would have kept your mind off things while they hacked off a bit? I doubt it, but the view was delectable. All the best decor was reserved for the Sultan, his favourite and the mother of the Harem. Only the big mumma was allowed to ride on horseback through the inner palace - aside from the Sultan himself. The gates to each quarter and the Quaranic calligraphy were simple but beautiful. Topkapi also has a load of export ceramics from China, India and Iran which caught my eye. It wasn't the best works I've seen but they were different from what I was used to - tribute celadon plates with biscuit cut Arabic inscriptions. I know, I know will shut-up now. My audio guide provided some classic moments including: "It is known that Sultans would entertain guests by watching the dwarves do shows in the pool". What dwarves?!? What pool?!? All I could see was a balcony and a pit which had rings attached to flaggon stones. I felt for our small comrades, it must be hard to do sychronised floating formations whilst chained at the ankle. I had to write it down...

Went to the Istanbul Archaeological Museum which was a plain exercise in hording and doing the best of what you've got. It was obvious that there's a lot missing from Turkey (er hum US and Euro museums) so they over compensate by showing EVERYTHING. My inner-museum student went ballistic at the haphazard layout and useless information. Aside from everything being at dwarf height (see above), the didactic panels were ironically Spartan themselves: Mans Head (sic) / Hellenistic / c. 2-4BC. Very exact. Regardless, there were some terrific artefacts on display including a corner gorgon stellae with slashing talons, an Athena fighting the giants stellae and some great Ishtar temple dragon and lion reliefs. I've taken photos :) Oustide at the museum cafe (set amongst the detritus of hundreds of ionic pillars) whilst having a bag of crisps, a tiny black kitten with green eyes stared at me with a tilted head. I was like, 'Sweetie they're chips' and she calmly tapped her tiny paw on my knee. So I dropped a chip that was bigger than her head on the ground and 3 minutes later, when she came up for air, she'd brought all her brothers and sisters. Chip demanding black cats - Allah!

Saw a flyer for "Turkish bath: the best way to decompress" and I felt like I had the bends so I went along. The 300 year old Hamam (Turkish bath house) was white marble with Ottoman basin and taps with a dome punctured with stars revealing blue inlay. As I was lying looking up at the decor, the fat British guy next to me had an equally overweight masseuse standing on his back pulling his shoulders into his toes - sweet jesus was he screaming. I passed a concerning glance at pops beside me who looked like he was about to give birth to one of the kittens at the gallery - that's where they come from! My massage was fine, good actually. The guy just hit me a couple of times, squeezed all the bulgy bits then put a soapy mop on my head and threw water in my face. For a black market 2 Turkish Lira i got an extra soap massage which has made my skin feel like latex. Brilliant.

Met some American tourists who were trying to get me to see whirling dervishes tonight. I've seen Martin del Amo so I feel i'm covered.